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Every Day, a Little Better Way

     I noticed this morning that as I reached for my contact lens case, it was in my medicine cabinet, the way it always is. That is, the way it’s been for the last 7 months. Prior to that, it was placed every night on the top of the toilet bowl tank… every night for at least 13 years. When we renovated the bathroom I had made a decision to simply place the case in the cabinet in an effort to keep surfaces clear and orderly. Prior to that, in another house, it used to be on the toilet bowl tank, also for many years.
     That’s a lot of years of doing something ritualistically that I changed just because it made better sense to me, it appealed to me, my motivation was high and it was easy; a new bathroom deserved special attention. I guess I made note of it today because, in the spirit of a New Year and all of the emphasis on resolutions and new behavior, I observed how easy it was to make a change that meant something to me, as tiny as it was.
     In his book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way, (a small, powerful read), Robert Maurer talks about kaizen, the Japanese word that denotes continuous improvement in small, steady steps. This process empowers people to make changes that are incremental, manageable, and meaningful. These are the changes that don’t trigger anxiety or have the brain shut-down and go into protective mode or defeat, vs. being in open, optimistic learning mode.
     So, in the spirit of the New Year, what are the small, tiniest of changes that you can make today that would leave you feeling hopeful, empowered and successful? What is something you could absolutely commit to because it is something that is meaningful and small enough that you really can do it?
     The truth is that the lens case was just the beginning – I got rid of oodles of shampoo bottles and all the silly accumulations and clutter that happen over time and, in short order, totally de-simplified that room. It became effortless, one success building on another.
     And that’s what change is.

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along

I have recently been dealing with a persistent back issue. My decision initally was to go “alternative” seeking the help of acupuncturists, chiropractors, therapeutic massage. This decision came from 2 distinct desires; one was to back my belief that eastern medicine has tremendous merit (although I’m no longer sure that chiro and acupuncture can still… Continue Reading

Fake It Till You Make It

In coaching I’m struck by how desperately people want to make changes in their lives but are convinced they have to “feel’ differently first before they can make the change. Most often it doesn’t occur that way. It really comes down to showing up in the world “as if” this new persona is already fully… Continue Reading

Intuition vs Ego

How do you know the difference between your intuition, the inner knowing vs the voices and tapes that play in your head that are often filled with limiting beliefs and fear-filled advice?  Joan Borysenko, a world renownded psychologist and Harvard researcher noted in her book,”Pocketful of Miracles” eloquently states the following: “Discerning the wisdom of… Continue Reading

Teen suicides rise in a dangerous time

Within the past few weeks, suicide has been in highlighted in the news with several celebrities, and children of taking their own lives.  Suicide.org reports that, in this country, a teen takes their life every 100 minutes. Anxiety and depression is being seen in younger and younger ages, even as young as 3.  In a fast… Continue Reading

The difficulties of the Greek Chorus in Collaborative Divorce

Everyone has an opinion. Whether it’s politics, or who makes the best burgers to the best rock band of all time, we are opinionated and invested in having others “see it” the same way. This is quite the subject when it comes to divorce. Whether it is the personal tragedy of someone else’s divorce or… Continue Reading

What Makes a Collaborative Divorce So Different?

I recently participated in a 5-way meeting with a couple who have retained me as their neutral divorce coach ( the husband, wife, respective attorneys and myself.) At the beginning of the meeting each attorney met with their client and I also had the opportunity to meet with each attorney and client to get an… Continue Reading

How Do I Know If I’m Grieving?

Loss is a huge subject. It can be experienced as the loss of a person, the loss of a dream, even the loss of finances. Each loss, in itself could be the subject of many blogs but here are some simple guidelines to keep in mind for yourself or someone that you care about. There… Continue Reading

Why Did They Wait so Long?

A question lots of Therapists ask… Invariably, this is the question that therapists ask most often when they are in the throws of a difficult marital counseling session. The scenario is two chronological adults who are burned out. They’re frustrated with each other, they’re filled with righteous indignation, they’re positive they know what the other… Continue Reading

I’m Thinking About Seeing a Therapist: What Do I Do?

There are a lot of big decisions in a person’s life. I would say that deciding to see a therapist for the first time is right up there as one of the most significant and perhaps anxiety-provoking decisions a person can make It’s a challenge to have to surrender to the notion that you’re at… Continue Reading