Divorce is usually considered one of the most stressful and painful life experiences. Whether it is your divorce or your parent’s or close friend’s or family’s, the effects can be devastating, lasting for a life-time and even several generations. It doesn’t have to be this way!

The Collaborative Divorce Process, which includes Collaborative Law and interdisciplinary Collaborative divorce, was originated in the 80’s by Stu Webb. At the heart of the process is the belief that couples can divorce with respect and dignity without going to court. It is not an adversarial process which can provoke more distance, conflict, and pain.

The core elements are:

• Negotiate a mutually acceptable settlement without having courts decide issues
• Maintain open communication and information sharing
• Create shared solutions acknowledging the highest priorities of all

The process is a team approach with each party having their own lawyer for support, protection and guidance but also utilizing the skills of a divorce coach, child specialist and financial specialist, when indicated, working together to support the family through the process. Mental health professionals who are also trained mediators are enlisted to be divorce coaches or child specialists to aid in the emotional work of the divorce.

Collaborative Divorce is a more private process with your personal information being confined to the team and not litigated in a public court. It also has the potential of being more cost efficient, since there is not court preparation time and lines of communication are open and transparent. Most importantly, this is YOUR process, not the courts.

The Role of the Divorce Coach/Child Specialist

As your divorce coach;

I can help you evaluate if the Collaborative Divorce process is the most appropriate for you.

My job is to help you define what is most important to you. What are your goals and concerns? What are the emotional obstacles that might impact the divorce process? My job is to help you stay focused on what matters most to you; to create a safe, healthy, appropriate future.

In this process, I do not function as a therapist, however, I do bring my many years of experience as a therapist with me to help support you through the difficult emotions and manage the conflict that is often a part of divorce.

When children are involved, I will work with you and your partner to create a healthy parenting plan that encompasses what is best for their needs as well as the needs of the family.

As the child specialist:

I am the voice of your children. My job is to advocate, on their behalf, what is in the best interest of your children and to bring their voice to the team process. I help your child address what their concerns are in the present and moving forward into the future. When the parenting plan is developed between you and the divorce coach, I can make suggestions and recommendations based on my knowledge of child development and issues pertaining to divorce.

As a member of the -International Association of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) and the North Jersey Collaborative Law Group, I am deeply invested in the goals and philosophy of this practice. I enjoy a very good working relationship with a large number of extremely competent, talented, lawyers who are equally invested in the integrity and humanity of this process.

Please go to the IACP website,  and the North Jersey Collaborative Law Group for more information